Cranky Mommy

Somewhere a while ago, I read an article that said that married men live longer than single men. I don’t remember the reason they gave for this fact, however I believe it to be true. For the wife’s goal in life is to keep her race horse in top condition and doesn’t want to be stuck with a bum horse that is stuck in the barn, unable to run. Thus she nags him to death - The Nag Factor - to keep him in fine shape; to go to the doctor, to stay away from the fatty muffins and cookies.
The husband may hate it, but deep down inside he knows that the wife really cares about him and isn’t just doing it to be a royal pain in the ass. She’s likely to live longer than him, so she has to make sure he’s fit and fine and free of excess junk.
Since we have been together, I have done a good bit to keep him from eating that junky stuff. When I first met my husband, his breakfast was an extra large coffee with cream and sugar, a pack of Tasty-Kake Creamy Krimpets, and a half a pack of cigarettes. Those days of excess are long gone. But really lately he has been awful. It’s all due to having his gallbladder out.
If you ask me, that bad gallbladder was the best thing to happen to him. Because, it was like a little angel sitting on his shoulder with a pitchfork saying, If you insist on eating those cookies, you are going to pay and I am going to stab you in the gallbladder with a pitchfork and keep you up until 3 A.M. Nothing like pain to keep you motivated to eat right! With a little help of diet modification, the 2 years he suffered with a bad gallbladder, his bad cholesterol went down and his good cholesterol went up. Thank you, bad gallbladder.
Of course, my husband has been on a fat and sugar and junk tear, ever since he got the darn thing out. All the good eating he did for two years, he had to make up for it. He wasn’t exactly back to Tasty-Kakes and cigarettes, but he wasn’t exactly eating well. And the whole time of course, I nagged him to stay out of the bakery section at Eddies of Roland Park at lunchtime, go get a physical and get his cholesterol checked. My husband was optimistic about the results, but I suspected his refound love of junk food would give us some results that might change his mind.
This morning we got his cholesterol results back. And (as usual, since I usually am, if I say so myself) I was right. Cholesterol up 20 points! So off to work my husband went, with a (healthy, low-fat) lunch I packed for him. Bye-bye, Eddie’s Bakery.
Anyhow, it’s the least I can do. Although, I wonder if this means I am going to have to eat all the brownies I just baked (gulp).