Cranky Mommy

There’s been recent whisperings amongst many of the mothers of little boys these days to other mothers of little boys.
Are you taking him to see Cars?
I’ve had 3 mothers ask me that. And the answer is for now, (probably), no.
I have to admit Disney did a brilliant marketing of Cars. It’s the perfect thing to market to little boys since most of them love cars. And, with toys and T.V. ads everywhere, and even those cars on my son’s pull-up diapers, it’s hard to ignore the blitz. My son, who usually doesn’t pay much attention to ads, has even been bugging me about it.
I thought about going — He does adore cars and trucks. And, he’s never been to a movie before. But I have my reasons not to go. 1) I hate getting sucked into marketing schemes for kids. 2) I’m not really that into cars (although I’ll hold my nose just to make my son happy). 3)The reviews have been okay, but not overwhelming blow-your-mind-good. 4)Those Pixar movies can be a little violent. Even if it is mild, (like one bug punching another in A Bug’s Life) is that really a good thing for a 3-year-old? I think not.
But the straw that broke the camel’s back on why I am not going to take my 3-year-old son to see Cars, is that 5)Its 116 minutes. That is nearly 2 HOURS. What 3-year-old can sit still, or even should sit still, for 2 hours? Or, even a 6-year-old? It’s summertime, shouldn’t they be running around outside in the fresh stinking, hot humid summer air, burning off steam outside so they don’t tear the house apart?
So I think one of two things will happen. We will either rent it on DVD when it comes out and watch it in parts, or, if my parents really really want to, I’ll let them take him to see it when we visit them. They can deal with the bouncing-off-the-walls aftermath that happens when a young kid sits in place for two hours eating sweet things if they want to, or not. I think he would be just as happy going to the aquarium (but what do I know, I’m not into cars.)

Today I helped out at a fundraiser that Whole Foods of Mount Washington had for a new charter school. It was a nice deal for The Green School (don’t bother clicking on the link, their website is not up and running yet, give it a month or more), as Whole Foods of Mount Washington donated 5% of the sales for most of the day to the school. Had I had the forethought I would have posted it about it on my blog, in advance. Oops.
Anyhow…
It seemed that a lot of parents had volunteered, though, and my appearance at the fundraiser wasn’t exactly, well, crucial. So another volunteering mother and I were given the grand task of… bagging groceries. And, thanking customers for their contribution. It it wasn’t particularly demanding.
It did, however, give me strange flashbacks to my first (non-babysitting, w-4 needing) job as a bagger at the age of 16 for Kroger. At that job, we had an evil boss named Alan Driver, a.k.a. Alan “Slave” driver, as nicknamed by the other baggers.
We got a 15 minute break. We’d get scolded for not putting all the cold stuff together, or using the more expensive paper bags instead of plastic bags, or crushing the bread. But, if we minded our Ps and Qs, and said “Yes Ma’am” (it was the south) and brought the bags out to the customers’ cars and put them in their cars, AND if the customer was decent, we’d get a 50 cent or a dollar tip. We made more money than the checkers that way, although we were treated like dirt.
I think my bagging skills were… a little rusty. I didn’t ruin anyone’s food, though. Everyone was a whole lot nicer to me at age 35 than they were at age 16 (I guess all the cranky people had stayed home due to the downpour). Of course, I wasn’t getting paid so I’m glad they were nice. I wonder though, if the 16 year-old me would have imagined I’d be doing this again after attending college working and gettting married, at the age of 35 — even for a day.

I’ve won very little in my life. I can name the few times I’ve won something on my fingers.
When I was in 8th grade, my class went on a school fieldtrip to see the filming of the gameshow Tick Tack Dough, and I was the audience member who won 50 bucks (which made up for the fact that our class didn’t get to see teen dream Ricky Schroeder in Silver Spoons). And, I did win a scratch off for $80 bucks in the mid 1990s. That’s it.
So, yay for me, I won something!
I entered a contest to win 2 tickets to see Jackie Greene given away by WTMD. I grabbed a girlfriend, a.k.a. my yard decorator, to go out to the Rechter Theatre to see him. She was the only friend I have who had heard of him. It was nice to have a girl’s night out… I haven’t been out to do a girls night out in like… forever.
Jackie Green and his band were pretty good - not phenomenal, but they put on a competent show. Sort of blusey rock with a little country thrown in, Van Morrison with a touch of Bob Dylan. It will be interesting to see how he matures as a performer over time.
Although, it made me feel old. He is in his mid-twenties but looks about 16. And it was really a college crowd (Although, I was not the oldest person there — quite a few 40-to-60-year-old beer-gutted men in pastel polo shirts, with their female counterparts in bad perms… I imagine they were regulars at the Rechter or something).
Also making me feel old - got tipsy on my one drink. And, was home by 11:30.
Oddly, at the show I was suprised to see a neighbor who lives on our tiny street. She also won tickets to see Jackie Greene. Maybe I’m not that lucky after all - the place was only about half full.

It’s been kind of quiet here the last few days. Not that my 3-year-old has been particularly quiet, he’s not. It’s more of a relative quiet.
Emma’s in Vienna.
And that means no one dropping by on a rainy day (or a sunny day for that matter) with 2 girls in tow, for a couple months. No more repetitive playing of the Jingle Bells demo on 2 keyboards simultaneously, or a rock and roll band of 3 munchkins. No wondering why my chocolate cookies are disappearing, or what happened to my jewelry. No frilly little girl wearing princess dresses twirling my hair, or making a Barbie dance on my head. No finding pink glittery My Little Ponies with long flowing hair, left at my house. No sound of two moms indulging in a little grown-up yet immature gossip.
It’s going to be a very boring 2 months.
So who is going to come over and raid my fridge this rainy day?

Without going into messy details, in the last few weeks the extended Cranky Mommy family has been… well, full of a little craziness. None of which I have felt comfortable blogging about.
So, I am happy to report some very good news in the Cranky Mommy family! My husband’s middle son, who is 26, became engaged on his vacation to Hawaii to a very nice girl. We knew in advance it would happen, and it took a ton of inner strength to keep me from blowing the whole suprise for her (actually I didn’t keep my mouth shut entirely, I’m sure half of Baltimore knew before she did, that she was getting proposed to).
They seem a compatible couple, bonded by their total and utter dedication to Dave Matthews Band, the Baltimore Ravens, and Beer (I think, in that order). I don’t get it entirely, but it seems to work really well for them.
And, they are proof that you don’t always meet psychos on the internet - because they met on a DMB message board. Who knew the power of music to unite! I don’t know what they will do with their time if Dave stops touring, though.
So, we are very happy for them. I look forward to a New Jersey wedding in 2007. The wedding part (not sure about New Jersey, I’ve heard things).

…To two really really awesome dads.
To my dad: Hope your day was enjoyable and you got your feet rubbed (or, whatever was in pain at the moment).
To my husband: Your day seemed fun, and I hope it was exactly what you wanted… you deserve it (and tomorrow, you can change the poopy diaper.)

Today my son and I discussed marriage. I explained why he cannot marry me. He’s very Oedipal these days. I explained why he cannot marry his friend Jack (I know that is not the P.C. answer, but the P.C. answer is too long and complicated for a three-year-old). I explained that he won’t be married when he is 10, and probably not until he is well over 20 (he better not!). I explained that when he gets married he will probably have kids, and no, I can’t grow younger and be his baby.
Today we also discussed death. I explained that everybody dies, that dying is like being asleep, almost all the time we won’t die for a very long long time until we are very old. Of course that is the very generic version, without an asterisk attached to that statement that starts with “unless”.
This all seemed to satisfy him pretty well.
Birds and Bees, for another day.

If you plan on having kids, here’s a little advice from me, on things you should do and enjoy — before you have them.

1)Stay up late.
2)Sleep in.
3)Take long, uninterrupted baths.
4)Read on the toilet.
5)Travel.
6)Be spontaneous.
7)Especially with sex.
8)Walk around your house naked.
9)Curse.
10)Dress up to the nines, in clothes that stain easily and need dry cleaning.
11)Eat in quiet, expensive, romantic restaurants.
12)Wear impractical shoes.
13)Watch a lot of racy or violent television.
14)Be debaucherous.

That’s not to say that some these things won’t happen when you have a kid, but it will surely be less often.

I just wanted to let all of you parents out there know, you are doing something wrong. I don’t know what it is, but there’s always something. Because for the last 3 1/2 years of my son’s life, I’ve been so darn perfect. Ha.

Your kid is sleeping in a crib! That’s baby jail!
Your kid is co-sleeping! They’ll be scarred for life!
Your little baby is sleeping on it’s tummy!
You’re are nursing your baby to sleep! Her teeth will rot!
You aren’t nursing your baby to sleep! She will have emotional damage!
You’re giving your baby formula! Gasp!
You’re not giving your baby a bottle! Hiss!
They aren’t dressed warm enough!
She doesn’t drink enough liquids!
His hair looks like a girl’s! Her hair looks like a boy’s!
He’s eating food that isn’t organic!
That comes from a can!
She eats hot dogs already! He’s never had a hot dog!
You let them snack all day!
You dropped them on their head!
You feed them choking hazards like grapes that aren’t cut up!
You bring your kid to school with a cold!
You protect him too much!
You don’t protect him enough!
You put them in daycare!
You don’t get away from your child enough!
They don’t socialize enough!
You let them eat dirt! For SHAME!
She hasn’t even seen the dentist yet?
You give them Tylenol for everything!
You let them suffer with a fever!
You had 2 kids so close together?!!
You had 2 kids so far apart?!!
You waited past age 35 to have a child?
You had a kid so young?
You let him play with dolls! He will be damaged!
You don’t let him play with dolls! He will be damaged!
You let your child eat solid albacore tuna!
You don’t give your kid any seafood!
Your carseat isn’t in right! You’re as bad as Brittney Spears!
You have them in a booster seat already?
You potty trained too early!
He’s not potty trained YET?

Ah, now I feel superior. Oh wait…. I’ve done a few of these “bad” things too. 50 lashes with a wet noodle for me.

A few recent thoughts related to what goes in and what comes out: